Don't look for answers -- look for questions

Over time and distance we look for answers.

Sometimes we look to the past and sometimes we look to the future.

Some people say that all that matters is now.

Scholars write that only this moment is guaranteed.

Philosophers ring out the cliche “Be Here Now.”

However, how we choose to use now is really up to only one person and that is for you, you and it is for me, me.

I love to travel back in time looking at my memories and learning from the good, the bad and the ugly. I love to travel to the future imagining what could be our possibilities. Both traveling back and forward in time help me heal my wounds and to celebrate my healing and my life.

All answers cannot be answered today. They cannot always be answered by examining the past. Reality suggests that the best questions actually don’t have a definitive answer. The best questions are the ones that create new questions and to me that indicates intellectual and spiritual growth in progress.

As we struggle to define ourselves, we are actually in a process of healing. As long as we question and continue to discover the different nuances of life and meaning, we are being our own creator. The messages from others both supportive or negative when analyzed allow us to define what is our own personal truth. Other people are not our mirrors. Other people do not define us. It is the way that we think other people react to us that is our mirror because it reveals our own inner dynamics of thinking, perceiving, healing, growth and change.

When somebody says something to you that makes you feel either good or bad, is there a little voice in your head that says that is true or that is false? What they say literally may mean something totally different than what you are perceiving and think that you are understanding. The search for self is a complicated mosaic that constantly is changing and transmuting the self as we walk along the path of life.

There is no ultimate definition of who we are. There is only the shifting perceptions of self that change over time and through events and circumstances. However, there is only one person who has the power ultimately to define self and that is you.

Bless those who challenge our perceptions about self and reality because in those who challenge our truth allow us to uncover new truths and create new realities and ultimately if we are persistent to create the person that brings us contentment and joy. Bless those who love us because it gives us strength to carry on the task of becoming more fully human. Bless those who push our buttons and stress us, because they show us where we are vulnerable and wounded and need to heal. And bless us as we do this for others. While often it may feel that we are walking the path alone, we are not. Always when we need it most, angels in the form of other people show up to light the path when it becomes dark. When we feel that life is a nightmare, we always have the option to wake up and face the challenge to expand our own truths and our own possibilities.

And bless me for not having all the answers, because if I did I would be out of here. And I have to admit I really like where I am.

Helping Others Heal

"Tell me and I forget; show me and I remember; involve me and I understand."

- Benjamin Franklin

Many of us are dealing with friends and family members who have grown up in dysfunctional homes and relationships. Many in our world are post-traumatic stress victims of verbal, sexual and physical abuse. Our hearts often reach out to these people, wanting to share the healing love that leads to improved self-esteem.


The greatest loss and greatest pain to carry through life is a lack of self-esteem, a lack of self-love, a lack of self-appreciation. Those of us who were victims of this awful dis-ease and have found healing will feel our hearts sob when we see another suffering from these pangs of self-doubt and even self-loathing.

Can we make a difference?


How do we make a difference?


How do we become the wounded healers helping those who have not climbed out of the abyss of self-doubt?


First, we must look at how we healed. What or who made a difference in our lives? What did that person do that helped us find a new vision of ourselves as valuable, creative, productive individuals?


Usually, a wounded person does not hear the good that negates the learning of the past, but is instead tuned into the messages that perpetuate negative beliefs. So when we directly say to such an individual, "You did a great job" or "You are special," they may brush it off as untrue. They may even think that we are up to something. People are suspicious of that which does not confirm to their perceived reality.


This leads us to the most important step in helping others: Develop trust. Let your real intentions of care and love be proven through your actions, and not your words. It also helps to keep repeating the words "Trust Me." This becomes a mantra and an affirmation that will slowly seep into the unconscious of the person that you are choosing to help.


Also, do not start to work with a person who is in this type of emotional suffering unless you are truly committed for the long haul. If you are supportive and kind for six months, and then run off after another victim to rescue, you will just end up confirming to the individual that they truly are not lovable, and that the world is not to be trusted.


You can make a difference, but it will take time and a commitment to being there along the path as the person learns to make new choices and create new attitudes about his or her self. Depending upon the abuse, the age of the individual, and the authenticity of your actions, this could take quite some time. So realize that healing relationships may take two years or twenty years. Make sure before you choose to intervene that you are ready for this experience.
Involve the person in their journey to self-love. Create situations that are progressive in difficulty, but choose in the beginning challenges where the person has a limited chance of failing. Here is the important part. Don't be a gushy "you did wonderful" reinforcer. Instead, keep your comments simple and direct, and reinforce the actions as opposed to saying something general about the person like "you are great."



Look for opportunities when you are in the presence of others to talk about the individual, and explain what a good job he or she did on a project. Be specific. Do not tell the individual that they did well. Express the quality of your wounded friend's progress to others in his or her presence.
Don't be afraid to make corrections when an individual does something incorrectly. If all that you say is peaches and cream, the individual is not going to believe you. To make corrections, criticism must be presented in a constructive manner that deals with the actions, and not the person. For example, "Helen, I like the way you write, but I think you might be more effective if you used shorter sentences." Or, "Jane, do you think that the way you made the crust for that apple pie would make the pot pie flakier?" Then next time the two of you are out together, casually mention to another friend, "Jane is one of the best bakers I have ever known. Her flaky crust made last night's pot pie unbelievably yummy."



Constantly looking for ways to positively reinforce increasingly complex behaviors and doing this in front of others will make a difference over time. Criticism that is targeted toward an action and not a person, and precluded by a positive statement, will also make a difference over time.
All people want to do well and please others. Anything else they do is some form of self-protection. Think about it: no person would have low self-esteem if the thoughts and beliefs of others were not important. Thus your greatest tools in helping a friend or loved one heal low self-esteem are:

1. Develop Trust.
2. Create progressive tasks that you reinforce in front of other folks.
3. To change behavior, use criticism that addresses behaviors or actions, and not the individual.
4. Love unconditionally. It will be evident in your interactions.
5. Be aware of the commitment that you are making to help, and be honest about whether or not you can make a long-term commitment. Make sure you are not just inflating your rescuer ego.


You can also help others on a subconscious and spiritual level:


1. When you think of the individual, imagine them surrounded by the golden light of pure love.
2. When you feel hurt by another's actions, in your heart forgive them and forget.
3. In your heart affirm that the individual is better and better every day in every way.
4. Write a list of everything good about the person, and put it in your love journal.
Remember! Do all with love. Expect no personal reward except the sharing of love and the satisfaction of seeing a person begin to walk on the path of healing and love. Each of us can be an earth angel.

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but reveal to them their own." -

Benjamin Disraeli

Right Action

When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.

Confucius, 551-479 BC

There are times when it seems that work as we may to achieve a goal that we cannot get pasts certain barriers. It is hard to tell what creates these barriers. Sometimes we create our own barriers. Other times it is just circumstances and the flow of events.

When we come to an impasse one is often ready to give up and just say I can't do it. Then it the time to look and see if it is external or internal circumstances that are stopping one from achieving one's objective.

I used to be a salesperson and I worked with this fellow named Joe. Well Joe was a chipper chap and he liked to chat. In fact, one of the reasons that clients liked him so much was because he was so affable and eager to please. However, I noticed everytime I went with Joe to a presentation he would talk himself out of a sale only to have to make the sale again. He had no idea of when to just shut up when the customer said yes. Is it possible that the universe is saying yes, but you keep talking yourself into a no answer? Do you keep coming back to the divine spirit and asking over and over again for the same thing. Giving mixed signals to the universe or to people can keep one from obtaining one's goal. Giving mixed signals to you really cements that you will get a NO answer.

Sometimes we don't get what we desire as a focus of our goals because we don't ask. If you are working for some one or a company and you need more money, have you asked for a raise? If you have credit card debt, have you called your credit card companies to lower your interest? If you want someone to remember your birthday, have you asked them to remember? If you are afraid to ask for what you want, the chances are small that you are going to receive it.

If you are listening for yes but getting no's, usually it means that you haven't given a person a reason that they think is valid to say yes. This means that you must clarify what is important to the person that you need to help you. If it is a boss who refuses a raise, ask what it would take to get a raise and then do what it takes. If it is a lover who does not respond, ask what he or she needs to feel more comfortable. If your children are not behaving in ways that enhance their lives and yours, ask why and how you can help them achieve better habits. Always remember NO only means you haven't found out what will make someone say yes.

Are you focused on your intent. Sometimes we do not really know what we want to achieve. It is then that one has to look at the hows, whys and whats that are inside one and directing one's behavior on a subconscious level. If you are asking the universe for money and you don't think that you deserve money, your true intent is not to receive money. If you are asking the universe to deliver your soul mate, yet you are afraid of love than your unconscious intent is not to find love but to dream about love. Discover your real intent. Focus on it clearly every morning for just a few minutes and then let it go and allow it to blossom.

Do you listen to your inner voice? Do you after the fact sort of figuratively slap your head and say: "I should have known better!" when something doesn't go in a positive manner. Usually our inner voice will warn us not to take a wrong action when the time is wrong or the circumstances are wrong. And, our inner voice will give us a go ahead when we are taking right action. If your inner voice is giving you the wrong signals, it is time to do some searching to see what inner boundaries you have set up to keep you from reaching your goals.

While it is said anything the mind can conceive it can achieve, unless you have inner and outer harmony this is not always easy. However, with analysis and desire all things are possible. Expand your dream possibilities and your life will find a greater state of contentment.

Imagine the Possibilities: http://manifestreality.com/possibilities

How Does the Spiritual Person Handle Betrayal

When one chooses to walk upon the spiritual path, one often assumes that all people in the so-called spiritual community are going to act ethically and morally. It can come as a rude awakening when someone we respect as an expression of the divine acts in ways that are hurtful, deceptive or, at the least, thoughtless.

When one has to wander out of the spiritual community into the mundane world, there are also tendencies for a spiritual individual to have a higher trust level which can often leave one more vulnerable. In a world where others may not adhere to the tenets that we choose to abide by, we sometimes are at greater risk to be taken advantage of or be hurt more easily.

How will we act in situations of betrayal or hurtful issues? We will act normally. We will feel violated, used, hurt, saddened, angry and so forth. Just because one is traveling a spiritual path, it does not mean that one does not have these natural reactions to something that is hurtful. Sometimes when we feel angry we will castigate ourselves because we are not being as “good” as we think we should. Even before we can get to the state of forgiving those who have wronged us, we need too first forgive ourselves for being normal or perhaps for not acting as spiritually as we expect of ourselves.

Guilt will not help in any situation when one is seeking to live a spiritual life. While many of us have been brought up in religious communities that promote the use of guilt and fear to maintain the status quo, a truly spiritual person will use negative events or thoughts to prompt positive growth and to evolve on the spiral of spiritual expression. A really wonderful teacher (and I am sorry I cannot remember exactly which one because I have had so many) said to me: “To turn a negative event into a positive expression ask this question: What good can come from this?”

So the first step in forgiving self and forgiving others is to look at an issue from many different sides. Try to get into the mind of the person(s) who perpetuated this issue and ask yourself: What prompted this person to act this way? What was their motivation and how did they see themselves receiving something that they needed by their actions? If you have trouble seeing the possibilities, discuss it with a confidant that you trust to hold your discussions confidentially. Look for feedback that is honest and not just someone telling you what you want to hear. The most important thing that you need to discover in the healing process of forgiveness is to learn intent. If the individual purposely tried to do what you consider wrong and you know they knew it was wrong or illegal, that is one issue. If they thought that what they were doing were not wrong and they were not trying purposely to hurt you, this is a totally different issue. Just a special note of warning, usually a person that you know has shown you patterns of small hurts or negative behaviors, so you need to know if you were setting you up for the big one.

Also, reflect upon your response and dig deep to find what buttons were being pushed by the event or issue that has caused you pain. You might find that why you were hurt was because you were to learn a lesson, and I think in all strongly emotional events both positive and negative this is a constant factor. Remember, the spiritual individual will grow stronger by learning to think clearly and learn from the events over a lifetime. For me, choosing to allow myself to be vulnerable requires that I develop a greater sense of detachment and observation of my reactions to the world around me. Meditation is probably one’s most positive tool in seeking enlightenment. In fact, I think that one of the reasons that I might get angry with myself when I act with normal emotions is that it indicates to me that I have lost my spiritual detachment.

When you have worked your way around how you feel and the whys and so forth of a hurtful event, you are ready to begin the healing process. Sometimes you may think you have it clearly figured out, only to have something deeper pop up from your unconscious or the cosmic mind. Be gentle with YOU! And, be gentle with the other person.

Some people and counselors will suggest that one needs to confront the person who creates pain for self, but I do not necessarily think that is true. I think that we can do it on a spiritual or psychic level and have the same healing effect. Confrontation is usually just a vehicle to perpetuate more angry or hurtful behaviors. The person that you confront is not going to think he or she did anything wrong or if he or she does, it will be normal to become defensive. It will work just as well for you to write out a letter stating what happened, how it made you feel, and that you now release the negativity and transmute it to good. Then burn the letter and release it to the universal mind. You can use this technique to heal old hurts where the person is no longer available or who might have passed over. If this does not work at first, you can do it again and before you burn the letter you can visualize that you are severing the psychic cords or energy threads that have kept you connected to this toxic individual.

In forgiving yourself and in healing yourself, you can use visualization where you feel all of your energy returning to balance. Start at the top of your head and imagine wonderful healing energy entering the top of your head – like from the divine source. Let this energy slowly move through your body feeling it heal and empower you. Then imagine that it is going out through the soles of your feet into the ground and then through the center of the earth and then coming out the other side of the earth and creating a circle from whence it began from the universe. In this visualization you are creating a pure energy link that constantly replenishes from the infinite divine.

All of us will have times of positive and negative events and issues through our lives. However, the sooner we learn to take responsibility for how we respond to events and turn them into positive use of energy, the less we will suffer and the more we will experience times of contentment and joy. And along the way one never knows when what appears to be such a bad experience becomes the event that opens the door to manifest blessings.
Myriam Maytorena, M Ed is a counselor and writer. Her last book Spirituality: True Odysseys at Barnes and Nobel.

I want what I want

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes awonderful stroke of luck. -

The Dalai Lama

Someone post recently what is a current thought in Manifesting that to want something means that one is affirming a lack. I used to subscribe to that concept but I have changed my mind. (Remember, a mind that is never changed gets very dirty -- SiStar Glenna)

As we expand our possibilities it is good to look at words and labels of our native languages. One thing that really helps is to study another language because it stretches the way that we perceive words from different vantage points. Another that really helps is to have friends from different cultures, social strata, and sexes. It is good for men who want to grow to listen to women and women who want to grow to listen to men. Every person we meet if we listen gives us an opportunity to explore the meanings -- both hidden and epistemologic - our understanding begins when we observe our reaction to words and explore how and why. Every lyric to a song can become a point of understanding and realizing a moment of epiphany. To see the light, sometimes you have to open up your mind where it is darkest and let those thoughts be exposed to the sun of a new way of looking.

Want does mean to lack something - but to lack something does not necessarily mean we cannot have it. Because to want is also to desire. Desire drives passion and thus based upon how you define your word is your reality manifest. I love the passion of the song with the words: I want you. I need you. (Meatloaf 2 out 3 ain't bad) it is driven with passion. To want something so much that it lights up one's spirit and motivates one to take action is wonderful.

To not want is to be dead. We want food. We want love. We want to be the best that we can. We will never be totally filled because as human beings we need drive. We gotta want or we will just sit down beside the path and wait till the end. Which is all right if you don't want to change the world one person at a time starting with you.

Today take the time to look at the words you use - what memories, ideas, thoughts, and behaviors are connected with these words.

I want to love you - will you let me
I want you to love me - will I let you
I will to have what I want
and that is to love me and to love you



Morning MuseMyriam Maytorenahttp://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com/moments in the morning with my friendsplease feel free to share with your friends.
to receive the daily morning muse just send me an email at myriammaytorena@adelphia.net and ask to be added. Some humor. Some insight. Some silliness. Some very bad music at times.

The Art of Avoidance

Are you faced with an overwhelming sense of pressure? Does the world seem to be giving you to many darn lemons? And, are you tired of making lemonade? Perhaps it is time to develop a new coping skill – The Art of Avoidance.
So often we hear the words, handle things now or they will just get more intense. That is basically a lie. Most issues or problems have a way of solving themselves in time without our intervention. And as my Mother used to say: "A hundred years it won’t matter." In fact, most things won’t matter in a week, or a year, or in ten years. It is just our desire to have a sense of control in the midst of chaos that drives us to try and take charge of everything from the coffee making in the morning to getting the bills paid on time.
While many day-to-day things require our attention, the ones that we don’t have the resources to handle or the ones that just keep nagging on our heads with no possible resolution do nothing but create stress and discomfort.
I am not one for ignoring the elephant in the living room and pretending it doesn’t exist as they describe in Alcoholics Anonymous. In fact, I think it is important to face the dysfunctionality in our personal lives and to create a sense of healing in our lives. However, if one is going over and over a problem or issue without the desire to make changes, one might as well forget about it.
To avoid an issue until one has time to effectively deal with, is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a delay tactic to use until you have the resources to make the habit changes on needs to improve one’s life. Also, when one chooses to evoke the Art of Avoidance, it is important to realize it is a delay tactic and not a permanent solution.
The Art of Avoidance empowers you to make some important choices. And, remember, to not make a decision is a decision.
When you really get down to the underlying issues in problems, there is usually a situation that involves either assertiveness or setting boundaries. Many of the stressors in life have to do with not being able or really being afraid to say NO. Not being able to make a choice that requires saying NO to someone we care about sets up a sense of inner dissonance. For example, a spouse is spending too much money and you feel financially threatened. Usually it means that the conflict lies between being a "good" person and giving to one whom we love and the reality of financial responsibility. Or sometimes we have gotten ourselves into debt and don’t have the money that is needed to pay our bills. Then the conflict comes from feeling bad about our past actions and not knowing how to solve the issue.
When to many conflicts and responsibilities begin to crash in on us we have to make some choices as to which ones we will attend to first. Also, we have to realize those issues that we don’t know how to solve and to seek out professional advice or counsel in order to get things back in balance and in order.
However, once we have prioritized what needs to be addressed first, second, third and so forth, to continue to worry about it don’t help anyone and can definitely harm us by creating unhealthy stress and depression. Learning the Art of Avoidance, means to learn to think in a more rationale and self-empowering manner. The first step is giving up that very useless and harmful emotion called guilt.
The only function of guilt is to control behaviors. It is usually created by our culture, our society and largely by our family and friends. We react when our "buttons" are pushed. And as a dear friend once said: "Family is great at pushing our buttons. They installed them." Thus, to get into a state of equilibrium and balance one needs to become aware of the "buttons" and remain vigilant so that our responses are based upon reality and not learned behaviors. You can usually tell a button is being pushed when you hear someone in your environment, including you, using the word: "Should." You might try this little exercise in self-empowerment and reducing guilt. If you meant to do something and it has negative consequences, and you think that you "should" have done something different, then the next time when you are in the same situation, change your responses and your behaviors. If you are in a situation, and an accidental response creates a negative result, then just choose not to allow yourself to respond in the same way the next time. If you mean to do something that is perceived with a negative result and you meant to do it, don’t waste time being a wimp and saying that you didn’t mean to do it. In other words, if you lie to your Mother to keep from hurting her feelings in order to not go out to lunch with her, suck it up and don’t use that phony "should" in processing the information.
The biggest skill in using the Art of Avoidance, is to eliminate to the best of your ability negative or toxic people or situations from your life. If you belong to groups, organizations, or even a job that is constantly creating stress and discomfort for you, create a strategy to change the situation. The job is too much, then print out that resume and look for another one but make sure that you are looking for work that will allow you to avoid the situations or types of people that create discomfort. If you have been friends with someone for a long time, but they constantly make you feel used or unhappy, avoid them. If you belong to an internet group and there is a person on the list that just pushes your buttons, then put a block on their email address in your email program or resign from the list. If you belong to an organization that seems to be too demanding of your time or the folks do not respect your limits, then either learn to say no or walk away. If your spouse drives you nuts or your kids, you might find it harder to avoid them, but you might want to seek counseling so that you don’t feel like a victim. Sometimes the greatest Art of Avoidance is to just walk away from situations and people.
At the root of the Art of Avoidance, is to avoid not being gentle or kind with YOU. There is only one person in this world who can make decisions for you and enable you to have a contented and healthy life and that is YOU. Don’t give up your power to other people. Grab it back and avoid those people who try to dis-empower you. When you use the Art of Avoidance to navigate your life realizing that it is often a temporary situation, eventually you will find that you are more energized, happy and content and that you will become less filled with guilt, anger and hurt
Today, begin to make the life you desire. One that is authentic, transparent and affirms your evolving spirituality. And if someone tries to stop you, just avoid them
Authors Bio: Myriam Maytorena, M.ED.. Is a counselor, writer, and an astrologer and spiritual coach. You may meet Myriam on line at http://manifestreality.com To receive her weekly newsletter called Light Source send a blank email to lightsource-subscribe@yahoogroups.com